I’m sorry, look it’s been a long night, OK?  I’ve been at Jennifer’s and we got into this whole thing about –

No, this is tea.


No, honestly I don’t really feel like sippin’ yak with you right now.

I just… do you ever wonder what it’s all for?  Like all these thoughts and emotions we have and just.. I mean.. what do you think our brains are made for, are they just –

What?  Great, that sounds great.  You did the “grossest, most beautifulest things on a bed of roses”. Well I’m glad you had a good time tonight. I wish I could say the same. Fucking Jennifer dude, I just don’t know what to do.  When we’re together it’s cinematic.  The lights dim, and it’s like we just fall into each other.  I’m starting to worry that it’s all just physical though, and I respect her to much to.. I mean what is a woman?  Just some fucking container for a child?


Yeah sure.  Next time.  Next time I see her I’ll “make her ass spread like the back of a cobra”.  Thanks.

Have you ever just thought, Big Boi, have you ever thought that maybe this all isn’t real?  Like the sky and the stars, they’re all for show.  And aliens.  We’re all just like a TV show for aliens.  Sometimes I just think nothing matters.

No, Big Boi, me and Jennifer never “raw dogged” while we listened to Fugees albums! What the fuck are you talking about?

I know this might sound cliche, but things with Jennifer really are different.  Sure, she doesn’t have that cover girl physique, but models are made for modelin’, you know?  Thick girls, they’re the ones that are made for cuddlin’.

What was I thinking?  I can’t believe I was so stupid.

When me and Jennifer hold hands it feels like, who needs another friend, you know?  Like how could she need another man?  It feels like we could just flee.. like, flee to other lands together.

Tomorrow, Big Boi.  Tomorrow morning I’m going back over there to apologize for everything.

I’m sorry, I feel like I’ve been spewing out a whole novel here!  What am I, Hemingway?  Say what you were gonna say, I think I cut you off there.

Oh.  Yep, totally.  I should make her act like a donkey.  Pin her tail to the mattress. Uh huh.

Right, make her go from classy to nasty.  Gotcha.

You know what, I think I could just use some alone time for tonight, and –

Oh thats great.  Just keep repeating “nasty”.  Very mature.

Now you’re just making sex noises!  Come on, Big Boi, can you just get out of here??

Schloop?  What does that even mean?!


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